Pause or Fast Forward

I feel a little guilty about my feelings towards Annie. I love her, of course and I'm so grateful that she's a part of our family. But I find myself often longing for her to just get a little bit older.

I'm not a real big fan of infants. I'm sorry if this makes me sound like a horrible person, but they are really care-intensive and it takes a whole lot of work to care for them and really there isn't a lot of reward. I think taking care of an older baby and as they become a toddler is much more rewarding. They smile with you and interact with you and you really feel loved and appreciated. But infants just aren't that way.

The best is when they can actually begin communicating with you. I have more and more fun with Ellie every day as her vocabulary and reasoning skills have exploded. She simply has become a real person and someone I really enjoy being with and playing with. In fact, I think the fact that I am having so much fun with Ellie has partly led to me wishing that Annie would get older sooner - I just can't wait to have all of this fun interaction with her as well.

At the same time, I feel guilty wanting to just rush through the first few months of her life. But I am excited for the time when she is a little more mobile, verbal, affectionate, and everything else I love about 1+ year old kids. I know lots of folks complain about the terrible twos, but so far, I just think they are wonderful.

So for now, I find myself conflicted. On the one hand, I yearn for an older baby that smiles, giggles, eats normal food, talks, and sleeps through the night. On the other hand, I really adore the sweetheart that Annie is - how precious she looks when she sleeps (8 hours last night, so I can't complain, right?), her rare but engaging smile, her very sweet demeanor, and the way her very presence gives me a glimpse of heaven.